Anonymous Confession #699: “I imagine the male vampires are hard all the time. If their bodies are like marble, then their cocks can’t be flaccid.”
Anonymous Confession #234: “Twilight confession: I love Twilight for 2 main reasons: 1/ I love brooding, self-loathing vampires that are always fighting against their nature (Louis de Pointe du Lac, Angel…) and no doubt Edward Cullen is the quintessence of that! 2/ Edward Cullen is the physical description of my husband: redhead/auburn, pale skin, straight nose, strong jawline, slightly androgynous, plump red lips. I was SO disappointed when they chose Rpattz for the role… I WANTED AN ANDROGYNOUS REDHEAD!!”
It never made sense to me that the Quileutes would be OK with all these human blood drinking vampires suddenly coming into the area. This is poorly explained away in the book by saying they borrow the Cullen family’s cars to go elsewhere to hunt (why bother with cars when they can run faster?), but the Wolfpack is dedicated to protecting human life in general, not just their tribe or their Rez land. Jacob says in New Moon they’re protecting the ‘palefaces’ as well.
Protecting human life is the reason the shapeshifters exist, it’s a fundamental part of their culture that these sort of human blood drinking vampires are their enemies. So why is it acceptable now, just because Renesmee is in danger and Jacob imprinted on her? The majority of the visiting vampires hunt humans, there’s more than a dozen of them. They are living there for a month, going out of state or maybe just to another city to kill god knows how many innocent people (they don’t have Edward’s mind reading ability), and it’s OK with the Wolfpack because they’re there to protect Renesmee and Renesmee is Jacob’s imprint so she’s all that matters. I guess Renesmee has supplanted Bella as the center of the universe.
tl;dr version: Breaking Dawn is a really stupid book that makes no fucking sense.
Anonymous Confession #180: “In theory, Twilight vamps would kick ass of other vamps from any other vamp book. All of them have weaknesses, Twilight ones only have like one weakness- venom is flammable.”
Anonymous asked: can vampires smoke weed
Edward totally gets baked all the time, why else would he have approved of the name “Renesmee”?
Public Service Announcement: Twilight did not ruin vampires
The reputation of vampires was already in the dirt long before ‘Twilight’ existed as either a book series, a movie series or a dream in Stephenie Meyer’s head. ‘Twilight’ did not ruin vampires, teenage mall goths did. The vampire books of the Victorian era were a sort of “chastity porn” for women - full of passion and desire but without the chance of consummation. ‘Twilight’ simply allowed horny girls and women (old ladies especially) to reclaim what was always rightfully theirs.
pros and cons of Twilight vampirism
REASONS TO BE A VAMPIRE
- Live forever.
- Be young and sexy forever.
- Have crazy sex for 2 weeks straight.
- Save money on groceries.
- Save money on gas by running everywhere.
- Climb trees like a monkey.
- Become good at baseball.
- Kill people you don’t like.
- Red eyes and pale skin are sexy.
- Make fun of veggie vamps.
- Sexually assault Edward Cullen.
- Kill the Volturi, take that shit over.
- Have a special power & use it for personal gain.
- You could probably get a reality show out of it.
- Never have to sleep.
- Never have to poop.
- Sparkling is kinda cool.
REASONS TO NOT BE A VAMPIRE
- You’re forced to see how shitty the world gets.
- Your body is made of marble or something.
- You’d never taste cheeseburgers, coffee or Nutella again.
- It would get boring eventually.
- You don’t even give a fuck about baseball.
- Why would you want to climb trees like a monkey?
- You’d miss dreaming.
- You might even miss pooping.
- You might miss your family and friends.
- Sparkling is kinda lame.
