Sympathy for Edward Cullen
- Angela Weber's mind: Mmm.. there's Edward. He looks even better than he did in that dream I had last night about him fucking me hard in the backseat of his Volvo.
- Lauren Mallory's mind: Sigh, Edward Cullen, the only hot guy at school I haven't fucked yet and of course he's the hottest. Look at the size of those shoes... I would totally suck his cock right now if he asked me to.
- Jessica Stanley's mind: Oh my God, here comes Edward. Unf.. Oh shit, he's wearing that tight blue shirt again. Jesus Christ, my ovaries! I just want him to bend me over this lunch table and bang the fuck out of me.
- [Edward goes home from school]
- Esme Cullen: Hi, Edward. How was school today?
- Edward Cullen: It was fine, mother. If you'll excuse me I have a lot of homework to do. I'm going to need to be alone for a few hours.
- [Edward runs upstairs to his room and locks the door.]
- Esme Cullen: Oh my, what's wrong with your brother?
- Alice Cullen: Mom, you really don't want to know.
30 Day Twilight Saga Challenge - Day 27: Favorite Vampire
Day 27: Favorite Vampire
My favorite vampire is Edward Cullen. For a lot of reasons, but in all seriousness he’s just about the only character who isn’t completely one dimensional. I guess I can even sympathize with him a little. It’s not like he asked to become a vampire, so if he wants to have a bad attitude about it and mope for a century like a whiny little bitch that’s his prerogative.
His unhappiness is largely a result of his own stupid choices and attitudes. I think this character would be a lot happier if he was off killing rapists like he used to. First of all, he’d be doing something useful with his immortality. It would be a fun (vampires like to hunt people) and rewarding lifestyle, and he would actually be doing good for human society. Second of all, and I think a lot of people forget this: He and the Cullens are living a lie. It’s easy to find the vegetarian vampire concept sweet and charming and admirable, but it’s still completely stupid and unnatural. Vampires kill people and drink their blood, it’s what defines them as a species. Nobody who is living a lie can ever be truly happy. Nobody.
He’s also miserable because he’s been repeating high school over and over again for like 80+ years. But basically, I think Edward’s biggest problem is probably his sexual frustration. For decades he’s been the only one in his household who isn’t getting laid. He’s an older gentleman stuck in the body of a horny 17-year-old, which is fucked up and weird. Carlisle wants them to live among humans and pass as humans. Alright, fine. But here’s a question: How is Edward supposed to even relate to anyone in his physical age group? Answer: He can’t. He’s 107 years old, he has nothing in common with anyone he interacts with at school. He only really hangs out with his fake brothers and sisters. So what is the fucking point? For 80+ years he’s been surrounded and cockteased by girls (whose minds he can read!) he can’t touch even if he wanted to, and he’s forced to play ‘The Brady Bunch’ with his batshit insane dysfunctional vampire family. Edward Cullen is a fucking douchebag, but I think I would probably be one too if I had to live his “life,” LOL.
