The Twilight Saga: Barking Dawg Paw 2
Robert Pattinson sings ‘Let me Sign’
Hitler loves Twilight, Hates Team Jacob
He’s not even really a Native American! He’s just some Dutch kid with a Bowflex machine!
TAYLOR LAUTNER, wearing an actual SHIRT, approaches KRISTEN.
TAYLOR LAUTNER
Hey Kristen. I’m pretty bummed about you marrying Robert, but I’m pretty jazzed that I got to tear my shirt off in literally the first eight seconds of the movie.KRISTEN STEWART
Sorry Taylor. Let this be a lesson to all of the downtrodden, human doormat beta males in the audience: the bossy asshole guy always gets the girl.TAYLOR LAUTNER
So I guess the audience of clamoring fangirls is really looking forward to the honeymoon so they can see you romantically ride Robert’s razor-sharp, barbed vampire cock.KRISTEN STEWART
Actually the whole “Twilight frenzy” thing seems to have like totally died down. All of the middle school girls that discovered masturbation while reading these books are in college now and don’t seem to give a shit. It’s pretty much just the creepy middle-aged ladies left.TAYLOR LAUTNER
Man, fuck all of them for not coming to see Abduction.
