Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Bella, the Flannel Shirt Seductress
- me: Bella is like the worst seductress in the history of womankind.
- my friend: lol
- my friend: yeah
- me: Why is she always wearing like 5 layers of clothing?
- me: Even when it's warm out she has like 3 shirts on.
- my friend: its cold there
- me: Not all the time.
- me: It's cold where I am and I don't dress like that!
- me: She looks like she raids Charlie's closet for all those flannel shirts.
- my friend: lmao
- me: If you're a 17-year-old girl who dresses like a 40-year-old alcoholic cop you've got problems.
- my friend: what would you wear
- my friend: to seduce edward
- my friend: ?
- me: Oh, I think I'd wear something more feminine but not slutty.
- me: Show him just a little of what he could be getting.
- me: Some tight sweaters and cute above the knee skirts.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: be classy
- me: Definitely skirts instead of jeans.
- me: Flash some panties at him from time to time.
- my friend: give him easy access
- me: LOL, exactly!
- me: He's from a different era, she should have Googled clothes from the past.
- my friend: like corsets and shit
- my friend: ?
- me: No, I wouldn't go that far. Maybe throw in something inspired by the 1920's-1950's.
- me: Definitely garter belts and stockings.
- my friend: oh yeah
- my friend: guys like that stuff
- me: Bettie Page.
- me: Bullet bras!
- my friend: bella doesnt need a bra
- my friend: she has no tits
- me: LOL
- me: Another thing she does wrong is she always wears her street clothes to bed.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: edward does too
- my friend: they wear their shoes too
- my friend: lol
- me: OMG I noticed that, too! Who wears their shoes in bed?!
- me: I don't even wear my shoes in the house. I wear slippers.
- me: It's not just her clothes, she's just lousy in general at seduction.
- me: She knows fuck all about men.
- my friend: cuz shes butch and gay
- me: LOL
- me: I would have had Edward begging for it by the end of the first movie.
- my friend: lol
- my friend: true
- my friend: he needs a bitch with some experience
- me: Yes, he does.
- me: I think that's why so many older women like Twilight, BTW.
- me: The fantasy of devirginising a guy like Edward.
- my friend: yep
- my friend: that's pretty much all it is
- me: LOL
- me: Devirginising a hot, horny young virgin nerd guy who is a shy sweetheart, but he's also a mature older man who is dangerous and a reformed serial killer.
- my friend: lol
- me: It's like 10 female sex fantasies rolled into one.
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Weirdos
- me: Oh Lord, both factions of the weirdos are out in full force tonight.
- my friend: lol
- my friend: are you talking about me
- my friend: ?
- me: Yes, your kind.
- me: Your creepy kind.
- me: I. just. don't. get. it.
- my friend: what?
- me: Why people have to be like that.
- me: Can't you just admire someone and leave it at that?
- my friend: im curious
- my friend: cant help it
- me: Well, I'm sorry but I find it pathetic. And it upsets me personally.
- me: You know how strongly I feel about this topic, being on the receiving end of something quite similar.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: so...
- my friend: why do you follow those blogs
- my friend: ?
- me: Because a lot of them post good stuff and reblog good stuff.
- me: But then they go off into their little internet wank and stalking tangents and ruin it.
- my friend: lol
- my friend: just scroll past it
- me: I do, but I still see it.
- me: Whatever you believe or don't believe about these two people, ultimately they are complete strangers to you who owe you nothing, they don't have to justify themselves to you, and their private lives are none of your fucking business. End of story.
- my friend: oh boohoo
- my friend: tell someone who cares
- me: LOL
- me: You know I'm right, and you know you are being weird.
- my friend: no im not
- me: Yes, you are. I have a healthy attitude about this and you don't.
- me: Get a life, sweetie!
- my friend: no
- me: LOL
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Marble Boner Accidents
- me: If Edward's body is made of marble, wouldn't his cock rip through his pants every time he got a stiffy?
- my friend: lmao
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: makes sense
- me: God, he must rip through more pants than Jacob does!
- my friend: lol
- me: How embarrassing would that be if it happened at school?
- my friend: i would love to see that
- my friend: shouldve been in the movie
- me: LOL
- me: That must be why he has that peacoat, to hide his marble boner accidents.
- my friend: omg lmao
- me: Then he has to come home and explain to Esme why he needs to go to Abercrombie and buy more pants.
- me: "I spilled some mustard on them, ok? They're ruined, those stains will never come out."
- my friend: lol
- my friend: wouldn't it be stiff all the time
- my friend: ?
- me: Yeah, how does that work?
- me: How does Edward's dick work, Stephenie? We need specifics!
- me: See, I think she didn't really think any of this shit through when she wrote it.
- my friend: i know
- my friend: she just pulls it out her ass
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Least Creepy Fans
- me: I think we're the least creepy Robert Pattinson fans on tumblr.
- me: Well, somewhere among the least creepy, anyway.
- my friend: lol
- my friend: yeah theres some weird ones
- me: We perv on him, but all in good fun.
- me: We don't obsess over every part of his body.
- my friend: we don't stalk him irl
- my friend: some of them prbly do
- me: Oh no, I hate that sort of thing.
- me: I don't even like seeing paparazzi pictures.
- me: Of him or anyone, really.
- me: I feel really strongly about stalking.
- my friend: i know
- my friend: me too
- me: We, or rather I, don't obsess over his personal life!
- me: I'm judging you!
- my friend: oh shut up
- my friend: i do not
- my friend: i just follow internet wank
- me: Same difference!
- my friend: its not the same
- my friend: no
- me: Yes, it is.
- me: You're being creepy.
- my friend: whatevs
- my friend: i do what i want!
- me: LOL
- me: We don't ship him with anyone except for Nicki Minaj.
- my friend: lol
- me: And that's only as a joke.
- my friend: minajinson is my life
- my friend: a joke? no wai!
- my friend: i believe in minajinson
- me: LMAO
- me: Minajinson, that still cracks me up.
- my friend: why it could happen
- me: LOL
- me: We don't worship him like a perfect God among men.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: he's hot ok
- my friend: we get it!
- me: He is not perfect, that's what's attractive about him in the first place.
- me: If he were just another "perfect" person no one would give a shit.
- me: I know several people who swear he is ugly.
- my friend: theyre idiots
- my friend: with no taste
- me: My own mother said he's hideous. Hideous!
- me: She seriously used the word hideous to describe him. I couldn't believe it!
- my friend: your mom needs glasses
- me: I agree!
- my friend: what is she team jacob?
- my friend: lol
- me: No, she doesn't like Taylor, either.
- me: She said, "Honestly I can't understand what girls see in either of them."
- my friend: at least shes right about taylor
- my friend: lol
- me: Robert is beautiful in this otherworldly way, but he's an average guy at the same time.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: i see what youre saying
- me: That defines his appeal, I think.
- me: He has this weird mix of being attainable and impossible all at once.
- my friend: yessss
- my friend: so true
- my friend: you solved the mystery
- my friend: good job velma
- me: LOL
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Go make out with the bitch
- me: Why do people hate Nikki Reed so much?
- me: She seems really nice on Facebook.
- my friend: cuz they think she fucked Rob
- me: LOL
- me: So? Like who wouldn't?
- my friend: ikr
- my friend: and i guess she ruined the perfect love of bella and edward
- me: Blasphemy! No soul on earth could disturb their perfect love!
- my friend: lol
- my friend: it's so stupid
- me: I see loads of people speculating on this shit on tumblr.
- my friend: theres tumblrs where thats all they do
- me: It pops up on my dash.
- me: Some of the people I follow are quite dedicated to it and reblog it.
- my friend: yeah well, you know i follow it
- my friend: i know you don't care
- my friend: but i like gossip
- my friend: its lulzy
- me: The only part that interests me really is watching people argue a topic when they don't have any real information.
- me: I find it fascinating to watch.
- me: The social dynamic, how people break up into warring factions over things that are of no personal import to them.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: write a phd thesis on it professor
- my friend: its just wank
- me: LOL
- me: I don't want to get involved, I feel stupid enough talking about it with you.
- my friend: loser
- my friend: drink the koolaid
- me: NO!
- my friend: slut
- me: I'm Switzerland.
- me: Also, I sort of feel bad for making fun of Kristen now.
- me: Because I've seen some really mean shit about her on tumblr in recent days.
- me: Just ripping apart her personal appearance, etc.
- my friend: so?
- my friend: she's ugly
- me: No she is not!
- me: Apart from her teeth she is a good looking woman.
- me: She is very fit.
- my friend: she has no body
- my friend: come here rob
- my friend: get yourself something to hold onto for a change
- me: LOL
- my friend: i got cocoa puffs
- my friend: and i heard you like chocolate
- me: LMAO
- me: That's a great pick up line if you ever meet him.
- my friend: lol
- me: But really, be honest with yourself here. She's easily more attractive than 90% of the general population.
- my friend: ew no wai
- my friend: she's gross
- me: Come on. Have you ever looked at other people? In America especially?
- me: I bet the people writing this stuff are normally against the media's impossible beauty standards, but because they don't like her for personal reasons it's okay to subject her to that.
- my friend: oh please shut up
- my friend: she's a bitch, ok
- my friend: stop whiteknighting her
- me: I'm not!
- my friend: don't get famous if u can't take it bitch
- my friend: its part of the deal
- me: Her acting as far as I'm concerned is fair game for ridicule.
- me: Oh, you're being more cruel hearted than I am!
- me: I'm the one who loves evil and gore, and I'm being nice.
- my friend: so what?
- my friend: go make out with kstew
- my friend: bitch lover
- me: LOL
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Kstew Manips
- me: Have you seen those manips that one girl on tumblr posts?
- me: The ones of Kristen Stewart?
- my friend: i probably blocked her
- me: LMAO
- me: I haven't, because they make me LOL every time they pop up.
- me: She posts these awful manips of her.
- me: She pastes her face on these sluts' bodies.
- me: These big breasted sluts from fetish sites or some shit.
- me: Horribly done.
- me: She tags everything "Robert Pattinson," too.
- my friend: oh god
- my friend: i know what you're talking about now!
- my friend: yes i have seen that
- my friend: i need eyebleach
- my friend: blecccchhhh!!!
- me: LOL
- my friend: if she's so beautiful
- my friend: why do people have to do that to her pics
- me: I know!
- me: If you like her, why do you have to paste her face on some slut's body?
- my friend: lol
- me: I generally find manips annoying.
- me: Because very few people can do them well.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: most of them suck
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Robstenblockade
- my friend: i think i've done it
- me: Done what?
- my friend: blocked every robsten on tumblr
- me: LMAO
- my friend: they make it so easy
- my friend: they have her ugly face as an icon
- my friend: or have that stupid word in their user name
- me: You have issues!
- my friend: whatevs bitch
- my friend: don't wanna see it on my tumblr
- me: Yeah that is a stupid word.
- me: I generally hate those couple names.
- me: Brangelina, Robsten, TomKat.
- my friend: even if it was real it would be stupid
- me: They are two seperate individuals with their own identities.
- my friend: exactly
- my friend: have some respect
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Edward Through the Decades
- my friend: who is edward cullen's hero
- my friend: ?
- me: Morrissey.
- my friend: lol
- me: He completely patterns himself after Morrissey.
- me: The hair and the celibacy especially.
- my friend: haha
- my friend: probably likes his music too
- me: Oh, of course.
- me: He lives for all that mopey, self involved, woe is me stuff.
- my friend: i wonder what edward was like in the 80's
- my friend: 70's, 60's, 50's
- me: That would be interesting to explore.
- me: It would be a much more interesting story than anything involving him and Bella.
- me: I think 80's Edward would be into stuff like A Flock of Seagulls and the New Wave scene.
- my friend: lol
- me: He hated the 1970's, did you know that?
- my friend: oh i guess so
- me: No, he hated all the music of the 1970's!
- me: ALL OF IT.
- me: Edward, what the fuck?
- my friend: oh god
- my friend: you're gonna take edward to school
- me: I would say a majority of my favorite music comes from that era.
- me: And I wasn't even born yet.
- me: He's supposed to be this musical genius and he makes flippant remarks like that.
- me: Trashing an entire decade of music.
- me: Stephenie Meyer knows fuck all about music.
- my friend: lol
- my friend: she knows fuck all about anything really
- me: LOL
- my friend: what about the 60's
- my friend: ?
- me: Oh, he was a Mod for sure.
- me: He had a scooter and everything.
- me: A closet full of suits.
- my friend: yeah
- my friend: and a beatles haircut
- me: LOL
- me: His father is English so it's legit.
- my friend: oh yeah thats right
- me: The Cullens over the years would be a good comic book.
- my friend: their awesome adventures
- me: Oh wait, they didn't have any!
- me: They've spent a century going to high school doing nothing with their lives.
- my friend: lmao
- my friend: yeah
- me: Because they are all morons.
- my friend: didn't edward go to college or something
- my friend: they are doctors
- me: Oh yeah.
- me: And they do nothing with that knowledge whatsoever!
- me: Big surprise there!
- my friend: lol
- my friend: this really pisses you off
- me: It is infuriating to me that someone would write this and think it was good.
- me: And that a publishing house would think it is good enough to publish.
- me: And it would become a bestseller.
- me: I weep for humanity, seriously.
- my friend: oh so you're a hater too
- my friend: you're hating on smeyer
- me: Well, she deserves it.
- me: She sucks.
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Bella on Shutter Island
- me: You know what would be a perfect way to end Twilight?
- my friend: what
- my friend: ?
- me: It's all a hallucination.
- my friend: lol
- me: Bella is a patient in a maximum security psychiatric hospital because she killed her entire family.
- my friend: lmao
- me: Carlisle is her psychiatrist.
- me: Edward is a hot male nurse she has a crush on.
- my friend: haha
- my friend: oh that's good
- me: Rosalie is a bitchy abusive nurse she doesn't like.
- me: Emmett and Jacob are security guards.
- me: Esme is the wardress of the hospital.
- my friend: what about alice?
- me: Alice is just a stylish woman who comes to visit her brother who is a patient there.
- me: Bella created an elaborate fantasy world where these people are vampires and she's special, etc, etc.
- me: Because she can't deal with the fact that she murdered her family.
- my friend: thats too much like shutter island
- me: LOL
- me: Exactly, it would be hilarious.
- me: And it would cause so much butthurt.
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Thrusting
- me: Everyone is saying "OMG he's fucking her so hard!"
- me: And I'm like, "WHAT?"
- me: That isn't hard thrusting.
- my friend: lol
- me: Rob is holding back.
- me: Because it's a PG-13 movie.
- my friend: yeah he said that
- my friend: mmmm
- me: If you think that is hard fucking you're not having very good sex.
- my friend: lol true
- my friend: oh he could fuck the hell out of you
- my friend: i mean goddamn
- me: Yes.
- me: There are things you can tell about a guy.
- me: And that's one of them.
- my friend: the awkward creative types
- me: YES!
- my friend: they are like that
- me: Buck fucking wild.
- me: Never fails.
- my friend: lol
- my friend: ...
- my friend: at one point
- my friend: they're fucking
- my friend: and edward says right in the middle
- my friend: "i'm sorry"
- me: LOL
- me: Yeah, I remember that.
- my friend: i'd be like don't apologize!
- my friend: fuck me harder nigga!
- me: LMAO
