Anonymous Confession #678: “Confession: I don’t even like Twilight, but I read Edward/Jasper fanfiction because those are two gorgeous men. I figure out the plot as I go along…”

Anonymous Confession #678: “Confession: I don’t even like Twilight, but I read Edward/Jasper fanfiction because those are two gorgeous men. I figure out the plot as I go along…


There was a slight breeze from the Northwest and my parched, itchy throat was completely engulfed in flames. In that moment “Bella” was truly dead, and the monster within me took over. Lead completely by my instinct to feed, I ran in the direction of the enticing scent which beckoned me. It was a lone hiker. Without any trepidation I pounced on her, sinking my sharp teeth into her neck like a hot knife through butter. I felt a more intense bliss than I could possibly imagine as a human as I drained every last drop of the human’s blood. The torturous burning in my throat completely disappeared and she was dead before she knew what hit her. My thirst quenched, I looked down at the huddled pile of girl on the mossy boulder beside me, realizing what I had done. I was a killer. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t make myself feel anything. There was no sadness and no remorse- just satisfaction that my throat no longer burned. At least she didn’t suffer, I thought to myself.

There was a slight breeze from the Northwest and my parched, itchy throat was completely engulfed in flames. In that moment “Bella” was truly dead, and the monster within me took over. Lead completely by my instinct to feed, I ran in the direction of the enticing scent which beckoned me. It was a lone hiker. Without any trepidation I pounced on her, sinking my sharp teeth into her neck like a hot knife through butter. I felt a more intense bliss than I could possibly imagine as a human as I drained every last drop of the human’s blood. The torturous burning in my throat completely disappeared and she was dead before she knew what hit her. My thirst quenched, I looked down at the huddled pile of girl on the mossy boulder beside me, realizing what I had done. I was a killer. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t make myself feel anything. There was no sadness and no remorse- just satisfaction that my throat no longer burned. At least she didn’t suffer, I thought to myself.

  • Kristen: Let's do something romantic. Wanna go on a date tonight?
  • Rob: OK, let me call all my guy friends.
  • Kristen: Great, I'll call my publicist.
(Hollywood Lies) Oct. 1 2012 - Hollywood Lies can report exclusively that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are on speaking terms again, but the method of their communication is certainly unusual! Robert is opting to communicate his feelings for Kristen solely through the medium of flaming paper bags of dog feces which he leaves on her doorstep on a nightly basis. Fans of the pair are swooning over what they consider a romantic gesture and proof of their love. No word on whether or not Kristen is responding to this unusual gesture. Check in with Hollywood Lies for more exclusives like this!

(Hollywood Lies) Oct. 1 2012 - Hollywood Lies can report exclusively that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are on speaking terms again, but the method of their communication is certainly unusual! Robert is opting to communicate his feelings for Kristen solely through the medium of flaming paper bags of dog feces which he leaves on her doorstep on a nightly basis. Fans of the pair are swooning over what they consider a romantic gesture and proof of their love. No word on whether or not Kristen is responding to this unusual gesture. Check in with Hollywood Lies for more exclusives like this!

(Hollywood Lies) Oct. 1 2012 - Hollywood Lies can report exclusively that Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders did not have an affair. According to our source, Kristen Stewart is simply the world’s most dedicated method actress and has been in character as Bella Swan for the past 4 years and will not break character until the final film is released on DVD. In ‘The Twilight Saga’, Kristen portrays Bella Swan, a self-centered, clumsy, naive girl who doesn’t believe in marriage and manipulates and steps all over the men in her life. Stewart, 22, was in character as Bella Swan when she was photographed kissing married ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ director Rupert Sanders, 41, on July 17. Keep checking Hollywood Lies for updates on this story and more!

(Hollywood Lies) Oct. 1 2012 - Hollywood Lies can report exclusively that Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders did not have an affair. According to our source, Kristen Stewart is simply the world’s most dedicated method actress and has been in character as Bella Swan for the past 4 years and will not break character until the final film is released on DVD. In ‘The Twilight Saga’, Kristen portrays Bella Swan, a self-centered, clumsy, naive girl who doesn’t believe in marriage and manipulates and steps all over the men in her life. Stewart, 22, was in character as Bella Swan when she was photographed kissing married ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ director Rupert Sanders, 41, on July 17. Keep checking Hollywood Lies for updates on this story and more!

(Hollywood Lies) Sept 30 2012 - Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have finally been tracked down, and it seems they are making a drastic change in an effort to repair their relationship. Hollywood Lies is reporting exclusively that according to our sources, Rob and Kristen are living off the grid in cabin in the barren, arid landscape of Eastern California and are now part of an intentional community comprised of renegade Amish hipsters and anarchists. They have no electricity or running water in their new home and must rely on their bowhunting and foraging skills to acquire sustenance. According to our source who braved the rather spartan living conditions of the encampment to bring us this exclusive story, Pattinson, 26 and Stewart, 22, are apparently living on a meagre diet of dried berries and squirrel meat. If only they had been cast in The Hunger Games instead of Twilight!

But things are looking up for the pair, as they’ve also begun volunteering with a charitable organization which sends disadvantaged inner city youth to the countryside to teach them croquet. “It makes Rob very happy to share one of the traditional sports of his home country with kids who otherwise might not know of it,” said an anonymous source close to Pattinson on the commune. Hollywood Lies wishes Rob and Kristen the best of luck in their charitable endeavors.

fanfics that are longer than the actual books they’re based on