- Kristen: Let's do something romantic. Wanna go on a date tonight?
- Rob: OK, let me call all my guy friends.
- Kristen: Great, I'll call my publicist.
fanfics that are longer than the actual books they’re based on
Anonymous asked: can you write a robsten fanfic? please?
In happier times:
Robert picks up his laptop and settles on the sofa next to Kristen, who is packing her pipe. “What’s the news, dude?” she asks, lighting her pipe and taking a toke. “Just looking through all of our tags on tumblr,” he says. She passes him her glass pipe. “Oh, Jesus. What the fuck.. why do you bother looking at that shit?” Kristen says, rolling her eyes. Robert took a hit off the rainbow-colored pipe and scrolled through the #robsten tag on tumblr and shook his head. “These people are hilarious in their devotion. God, if I were ever that pathetic I would… I don’t know…” he said, trailing off mid-sentence. “Go take a nap on some railroad tracks?” Kristen suggested. Robert laughs and passes the pipe back to Kristen. “Exactly! They’re insane.” Kristen glared at the images scrolling across Robert’s laptop. “What the fuck is that?” she asked, pointing to one image in particular, which prompted Robert to stop scrolling. They looked in amazement at a photoshopped manipulation of the two of them engaged in a bizarre sex act. “Oh, I love those! Don’t you?” Robert says laughing. “They’re so ridiculous. Like you’d ever in a million years want me to do something like that to you!” Kristen rolled her eyes and mimicked gagging on vomit. “Yuck,” she said, wrinkling up her face. Robert clicks on the #krisbian tag he is tracking and Kristen frowns. “Fucking bitches…urgghhh! Get a fucking life! Get out of my fucking pussy! I don’t want you!” Kristen yells at the laptop and they both burst out laughing. ~ The End