“your love is my turning page?” that shit killed my boner
Honest Trailers - Twilight 4: Breaking Dawn
Part 4 of the Twilight Saga… Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 - or the one where Bella and Edward finally do it. #HonestTrailers
In an effort to get back to the original purpose of this blog, please send in some funny, unusual or dirty confessions/secrets about The Twilight Saga. I’d prefer confessions/secrets about the books/movies/characters but I’ll also accept ones about cast members. Anons are welcome obviously. Put your confessions in the ask box not the submit box. :)
“the twilight saga: breaking dawn, part 1”
this was the most ridiculous piece of crap i have seen in quite some time.
the movie was basically 2 hours of people standing around looking at each other talking about things that might happen later. literally, these frickin’ vampires apparently just stand around in their kitchen looking at each other all day.
however, there were a few things that DID happen: 1]. there was a wedding. possibly the shortest ceremony ever recorded on film. the walk down the aisle lasted 20 minutes, but the ceremony itself was all of 20 seconds. then they made out like that virgin couple that had never kissed before getting married. 2]. the big sex scene that everyone was waiting for. that lasted about 30 seconds, then later it was revealed that it didn’t even happen. it was all in KStew’s head. then, they had sex for reals and they don’t even show it. 3]. KStew gets knocked up with a baby that may or may not bring about the end of forks and life as we know it. the werewolves are pissed and you can tell by all the CGI wolf changing and growling.
4]. and then, there’s the birth scene. it’s shot just show you can’t really tell what the dickens is going on with LOTS of sound effects that sound like breaking glass and uncooked spaghetti. happily after that, KStew dies. for a few minutes…but we get to see her die anyway. 5]. and, finally, the big werewolf/vampire fight scene. that lasted for about a minute and then jakob stops it ‘cos he “imprinted” on a baby. kinda weird.
two hours later and i feel like i just sat through an existential foreign film. you know the ones. the ones with the people looking at each other and talking about their lives and there’s some drama but the only way you can tell that there’s drama is because the music sounds dramatic ‘cos the actors expressions have not changed at all.
the sets look great…but this isn’t HGTV. it’s a vampire flick with no vampires and werewolves that aren’t really werewolves and a clumsy doofus who gets preggers the FIRST time she ever has sex ever!! with a baby that MAY be the end of the world…but just turns out to be a CGI baby.
overall…boring on an epic scale.
1 outta 5
![gifftrax:
[RiffTrax: “Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part I”]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdylgzs9gq1rhd46ao1_400.gif)
This was sent to me by someone who wishes to remain anonymous:
“I know exactly how KStew got her “pelvic burn”. Now it’s up to you if you choose to believe this or not, it is secondhand info that I received. I do believe the source is credible as the source is a lighting technician in the industry. This technician worked on both BD 1 and 2. Apparently K gets really bad menstrual cramps and right before they shot the honeymoon bed sex scene in New Orleans, she got her period. Nothing was taking the edge off, so she placed one of the those red hot water bottles on her pelvis and crotch. It still wasn’t working, so the neurotic chick that she is decided to pour the scalding hot water on herself, thinking it would help. Dumbass got a second degree burn on her pelvis and crotch area and had to be bandaged up. It stopped shooting for almost 3 days. He also said that she was unbearable during the shoot because she was in major pain and it took something like 12-16 hours to shoot a 5 minute scene.
Now, again, this is all secondhand info. It could have totally been exaggerated or even made up to sound better, but I knew about this in April of 2010. The first time I heard about it elsewhere was when Rupert brought it up during the SWaTH panel at Comic Con. My jaw dropped when I heard it because there was some semblance of truth. Just not sure how true. I saw someone’s comment about her pelvic burn and realized eh, why not, now was as good a time as ever to divulge what was known. Totally not looking for any recognition. Totally not a fan or Stan of Kristen. I just find the info entertaining and wanted to share. You can totally share, but i just prefer for my pen name not to be out there in case the crazies start searching for me. I’m not interested in being crucified.”
