- Bella Swan: Who's that?
- Jessica Stanley: That? That's Edward Cullen. He's totally gorgeous, obviously, but he's a total psycho.
- Angela Weber: I heard his parents burned to death in a "suspicious" house fire when he was 8 and they sent him to a psychiatric hospital.
- Jessica Stanley: Yeah? Well, I heard he axe-murdered 3 people and escaped from a Russian prison.
- Angela Weber: Lauren Mallory says he has a 9 inch cock.
- Jessica Stanley: Mike said that too! I mean, I guess he peeked at him in the shower after gym class or something. God, Mike is such a weirdo! Oh! I overheard Lauren's mom tell my mom he has like an S&M dungeon or something in his basement.
- Angela Weber: I heard he's really 26.
- Jessica Stanley: Oh, totally. There's no way he's 17! Like, Hello? Seriously? Who do you think you're fooling? Oh, and Mike told me Edward was pen pals with Charles Manson until Manson got freaked out by him.
- Angela Weber: Oh my God, you're kidding?!
- Jessica Stanley: I swear, Mike told me that. So anyway, Bella... You should totally stay away from him.
- Angela Weber: Totally.
- Bella Swan: Uh huh, no, of course, sure...
