i luv mormon vampires

Day 30: A Twilight cast picture/fan art.

Cast picture:

Fan art:

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID IT. I completed the 30 Day Twilight Saga Challenge, though it took me like 2 months or something, LOL. Don’t worry, I’m going to be doing another challenge on here. Guess which one?

If you guessed the ‘30 Days of Rob / Robert Pattinson Challenge’, you’re right. This time around I’d like to actually do it within 30 days.

Day 29: A Twilight fan fiction or fan video

My favorite fanfics so far:

• Lights Out by balcarin
• Attention, WalMart Shoppers by sillybella
• Growing Up Cullen (might not technically be a fanfic)

My favorite “fan” videos so far:

• Brokeback Twilight Trailer
• Brokeback Twilight
• Kingsley Spoils Twilight
• Kingsley Spoils New Moon
• Kingsley Spoils Eclipse
• Kingsley Spoils Breaking Dawn
• How Twilight Should Have Ended
• Twilight - Jizz In My Pants
• Robot Chicken: Twilight: The Game
• Sparkly Vampires by The Rifftones

Day 28: Favorite quote

Day 27: Favorite Vampire

My favorite vampire is Edward Cullen. For a lot of reasons, but in all seriousness he’s just about the only character who isn’t completely one dimensional. I guess I can even sympathize with him a little. It’s not like he asked to become a vampire, so if he wants to have a bad attitude about it and mope for a century like a whiny little bitch that’s his prerogative.

His unhappiness is largely a result of his own stupid choices and attitudes. I think this character would be a lot happier if he was off killing rapists like he used to. First of all, he’d be doing something useful with his immortality. It would be a fun (vampires like to hunt people) and rewarding lifestyle, and he would actually be doing good for human society. Second of all, and I think a lot of people forget this: He and the Cullens are living a lie. It’s easy to find the vegetarian vampire concept sweet and charming and admirable, but it’s still completely stupid and unnatural. Vampires kill people and drink their blood, it’s what defines them as a species. Nobody who is living a lie can ever be truly happy. Nobody.

He’s also miserable because he’s been repeating high school over and over again for like 80+ years. But basically, I think Edward’s biggest problem is probably his sexual frustration. For decades he’s been the only one in his household who isn’t getting laid. He’s an older gentleman stuck in the body of a horny 17-year-old, which is fucked up and weird. Carlisle wants them to live among humans and pass as humans. Alright, fine. But here’s a question: How is Edward supposed to even relate to anyone in his physical age group? Answer: He can’t. He’s 107 years old, he has nothing in common with anyone he interacts with at school. He only really hangs out with his fake brothers and sisters. So what is the fucking point? For 80+ years he’s been surrounded and cockteased by girls (whose minds he can read!) he can’t touch even if he wanted to, and he’s forced to play ‘The Brady Bunch’ with his batshit insane dysfunctional vampire family. Edward Cullen is a fucking douchebag, but I think I would probably be one too if I had to live his “life,” LOL.

Leah Clearwater is my favorite werewolf! Not only is she beautiful, she’s also a bad ass female character who doesn’t take shit from anyone. Like Rosalie, she does not think the sun shines out of Bella Swan’s ass. Unfortunately, she suffers from the same “OMG I need a boyfriend to be happy” thing that Bella suffers from.

I think imprinting is weird, but really wish that Jacob had imprinted on Leah or vice versa. It would have been a much better conclusion for Jacob’s story to end up with Leah, rather than imprinting on the unholy demon fetus. It would have been better for Leah as well.

Day 24: Favorite Twilight actor/actress

I went to see the first Twilight movie completely ignorant of what Twilight was. I was thinking it was going to be a dark, disturbing, horror/romance kind of film and was very disappointed that it wasn’t. So since the story didn’t really deliver what I expected it to, for me the Twilight Saga’s main redeeming feature is Robert Pattinson. It may be the only redeeming feature. He’s really the only reason I continue to watch these craptastic films. I like him because he reminds me physically of most of my boyfriends. “Bullshit,” you say. No, I’m for real, broski, I get some good penis: Tall, pale, nerdy, hot, creative studmuffin penis (I just wish it sparkled!). There’s guys like him out there if you know where to look (protip: they’re called “hipsters”). Isn’t that what we all like about him, anyway? He is sooooo hot but he has a sort of averageness about him, too. If he wasn’t famous, would you notice him that much?

Probably not. Some people are “Team Edward” some people are “Team Rob,” but I’m more “Team Robward.” What I mean by that is, yes, I’ve seen his other movies and will continue to see them, but I just really like him best as Edward Cullen. Not a popular opinion, but don’t hate on me, bro. It’s more the character than him. It’s not like I dislike Rob, I’m just more into “Edward” for some odd reason. I know that’s really weird. I can’t explain it. It makes no sense! 

I hate the actual character, too. Edward is such a loathsome character. He’s obnoxious. He’s the world’s worst boyfriend. So why am I so in love with him? I think I just like the Edward Cullen that exists in fanfic and in my own perverted imagination.

Day 23: Are you a Twihard?

*Jeopardy theme music plays*

Short answer:

Long answer:

It would be a lot easier to say “Yes” to this question, but I have complicated feelings about Twilight. I am drawn to it enough to blog about it on a very regular basis as my hobby. I find the messages it is attempting to send about life, love, sex, identity, and womanhood pretty distasteful and troubling to say the least. I enjoy watching the films while recognizing they are not good films. I enjoy some aspects of the story and characters while recognizing it is not a very good story and the characters are 1-dimensional. Twilight and I are frenemies, that’s the only way I can explain it. So I guess I am a Twihard of some kind, just not the usual fan who looks at it in all earnestness and loves it.

Day 21: A scene that makes you happy

Any scenes Rob and Taylor have together make me happy! They are fun to watch. All the scenes with Bella & Edward amount to a lot of listless posing, you only see any spark between Jacob and Edward.

Day 22: A scene that made your heart skip a beat

There’s nothing shocking or surprising about any of these movies. It’s all really predictable. It goes around in circles.

- Change me into a vampire, Edward.
- No.
- Change me into a vampire, Edward.
- No.

[Insert shitty rip-off of Romeo & Juliet here]

- Change me into a vampire, Edward. I dream of being with you forever!
- Marry me, then.
- LOL, no.
- Fuck me hard, Edward. I want your big, bad popsicle dick all up in me.
- No, it’s too dangerous. You have to marry me first. Marriage makes it less dangerous for some reason.
- Meh, ok.

And so on and so forth… Guys, it’s really stupid. So why can’t I stop watching it? The same reason I go to Taco Bell at 2:00AM sometimes, I guess. I get a craving for tasty garbage. The Twilight Saga is tasty garbage.

Day 19: Favorite action scene

The fight/action scenes in these movies are all really disappointing and basically go nowhere. I thought it was bullshit that no important characters are killed off. There is a definite lack of actual vampire stuff in these movies!

Day 20: Favorite love scene

1. “Love scenes,” really? In the first 2 movies whenever they kiss he looks like he’s in pain from holding back his urge to murder her. I’m not sure there’s a lot of “love” going on there. Attraction? Yes. Bloodlust? Yes. But love? Eh..

2. I guess if I had to choose a fave love scene, it would be the “Hey babe, I got you a big romantic bed I’m not going to fuck you in” scene in Eclipse. Bella’s sad attempt at seduction while dressed in her dad’s lumberjack shirt always makes me giggle. I wonder if she brought condoms with her in her backpack?

3. The Breaking Dawn sex scene was disappointing. An R-rated version would have been pretty hot, especially if Edward put a brown paper bag over Bella’s head with a picture of Jacob pasted on it.

Day 16: Did you read the Bree Tanner story? What did you think of it?

No.

Day 17: Favorite Stephenie Meyer book

Day 18: an Esme and/or Carlisle scene/moment that you love

We never see Esme, she might as well be played in the films by a cardboard cutout! It’s sad how she is completely ignored. She has to be more interesting than Bella or Jacob! I love the Carlisle / Esme kiss that was cut from the first movie. It was so cute. <3

I think my favorite Carlisle scene when he is stitching up Bella in his study in New Moon. He explains a bit about his philosophy (which I obviously don’t agree with), we learn a few things about him, and there’s also a little bit of flirtiness between them that was kinda hot. You could sense that Bella was attracted to her boyfriend’s father. Awkward! Kudos to Kristen Stewart for portraying that well in that scene, she does have some moments where she’s good.

Carlisle is another character that doesn’t get enough screen time, IMO. If there were no stupid werewolves they could have focused on the vampire backstories more. There’s no reason to have the werewolves in this story at all. The conflict could have been between the veggie vamps and the bad ass vamps, the werewolves are sort of unnecessary and stupid.

PS: Peter Facinelli is super hot.