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OK, so we know Kristen was banging Rupert, and Rob wasn’t banging Kristen, because let’s be real, if he was why in the holy hell would she be hooking up with pervy Uncle Rupert in her mom’s car? She was just leaving the gym and still wearing her gym clothes for fuck’s sake but she was so desperate for a fuck she answered Rupert’s booty call right away. There’s no way in hell she was getting anything sexual from Rob. So stick a fork in Robsten, myth busted. This scandal is all the proof I need that Robsten was a PR stunt. No woman who is getting loved down every night by Robert “Best Motherfucker in Hollywood” Pattinson is going to cheat with some sleazy older guy who looks like a squirrel.

So that leaves the obvious question, the elephant in the room, apparently no one in the media has the balls to ask: Who is Rob banging and how does he benefit from being in a phony relationship with Kristen Stewart? What’s in it for him? There has to be more to it than just “promoting Twilight” and we know Summit can’t actually tell anyone who to date.