February 2012
10 tags
Anonymous asked: ARE YOU A ROBSTEN OR A NONSTEN?
4 tags
evererika asked: I just wanted to say that I just found your blog and I love it!
January 2012
6 tags
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Edward...
my friend: who is edward cullen's hero
my friend: ?
me: Morrissey.
my friend: lol
me: He completely patterns himself after Morrissey.
me: The hair and the celibacy especially.
my friend: haha
my friend: probably likes his music too
me: Oh, of course.
me: He lives for all that mopey, self involved, woe is me stuff.
my friend: i wonder what edward was like in the 80's
my friend: 70's, 60's, 50's
me: That would be interesting to explore.
me: It would be a much more interesting story than anything involving him and Bella.
me: I think 80's Edward would be into stuff like A Flock of Seagulls and the New Wave scene.
my friend: lol
me: He hated the 1970's, did you know that?
my friend: oh i guess so
me: No, he hated all the music of the 1970's!
me: ALL OF IT.
me: Edward, what the fuck?
my friend: oh god
my friend: you're gonna take edward to school
me: I would say a majority of my favorite music comes from that era.
me: And I wasn't even born yet.
me: He's supposed to be this musical genius and he makes flippant remarks like that.
me: Trashing an entire decade of music.
me: Stephenie Meyer knows fuck all about music.
my friend: lol
my friend: she knows fuck all about anything really
me: LOL
my friend: what about the 60's
my friend: ?
me: Oh, he was a Mod for sure.
me: He had a scooter and everything.
me: A closet full of suits.
my friend: yeah
my friend: and a beatles haircut
me: LOL
me: His father is English so it's legit.
my friend: oh yeah thats right
me: The Cullens over the years would be a good comic book.
my friend: their awesome adventures
me: Oh wait, they didn't have any!
me: They've spent a century going to high school doing nothing with their lives.
my friend: lmao
my friend: yeah
me: Because they are all morons.
my friend: didn't edward go to college or something
my friend: they are doctors
me: Oh yeah.
me: And they do nothing with that knowledge whatsoever!
me: Big surprise there!
my friend: lol
my friend: this really pisses you off
me: It is infuriating to me that someone would write this and think it was good.
me: And that a publishing house would think it is good enough to publish.
me: And it would become a bestseller.
me: I weep for humanity, seriously.
my friend: oh so you're a hater too
my friend: you're hating on smeyer
me: Well, she deserves it.
me: She sucks.
3 tags
6 tags
5 tags
If you post gifs from Breaking Dawn
Summit/Lionsgate has someone looking at the tag “breaking dawn” on Tumblr, so just remove that tag from your posts. I know for a fact this is what they do. Don’t reblog any gifs tagged with “breaking dawn” in the original post.
9 tags
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Bella on...
me: You know what would be a perfect way to end Twilight?
my friend: what
my friend: ?
me: It's all a hallucination.
my friend: lol
me: Bella is a patient in a maximum security psychiatric hospital because she killed her entire family.
my friend: lmao
me: Carlisle is her psychiatrist.
me: Edward is a hot male nurse she has a crush on.
my friend: haha
my friend: oh that's good
me: Rosalie is a bitchy abusive nurse she doesn't like.
me: Emmett and Jacob are security guards.
me: Esme is the wardress of the hospital.
my friend: what about alice?
me: Alice is just a stylish woman who comes to visit her brother who is a patient there.
me: Bella created an elaborate fantasy world where these people are vampires and she's special, etc, etc.
me: Because she can't deal with the fact that she murdered her family.
my friend: thats too much like shutter island
me: LOL
me: Exactly, it would be hilarious.
me: And it would cause so much butthurt.
9 tags
Summer of Love: A short story/hatefic
Did you know Edward Cullen wasn’t a virgin when he met Bella? He actually got laid back in 1997. Read all about Edward’s disastrous summer of love and find out why he was so reluctant to fuck Bella and turn her into a vampire.
Rated: M for GRATUITIOUS SEX, HOT VAMPIRE VIOLENCE & SOME LULZ
“Oh neat, you bought a bed!” Alexa said as she kicked off her combat boots...
reblog if your icon is a sex god from the high...
8 tags
Mom thinks he's creepy looking
my mom: [looking at my fan art]
my mom: Oooh who is that?
my mom: That drawing is nice!
me: Um, it's uh, the guy from Twilight..? (assuming she doesn't know him)
my mom: Robert Pattinson? No way.
my mom: That drawing is too good looking to be him.
me: You don't think he's good looking?
my mom: He's got that creepy look.
7 tags
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Thrusting
me: Everyone is saying "OMG he's fucking her so hard!"
me: And I'm like, "WHAT?"
me: That isn't hard thrusting.
my friend: lol
me: Rob is holding back.
me: Because it's a PG-13 movie.
my friend: yeah he said that
my friend: mmmm
me: If you think that is hard fucking you're not having very good sex.
my friend: lol true
my friend: oh he could fuck the hell out of you
my friend: i mean goddamn
me: Yes.
me: There are things you can tell about a guy.
me: And that's one of them.
my friend: the awkward creative types
me: YES!
my friend: they are like that
me: Buck fucking wild.
me: Never fails.
my friend: lol
my friend: ...
my friend: at one point
my friend: they're fucking
my friend: and edward says right in the middle
my friend: "i'm sorry"
me: LOL
me: Yeah, I remember that.
my friend: i'd be like don't apologize!
my friend: fuck me harder nigga!
me: LMAO
6 tags
Anonymous asked: WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
4 tags
Anonymous asked: I don't think it was ridiculous you should write more smut its really good [talking about this /post/16583033450/]
5 tags
Anonymous asked: UR FRIEND IS A BITCH
5 tags
Anonymous asked: YOU ARE AWESOME! I spent the last two hours going through your blog and my side hurts from laughing so hard! The convo's are the best! I hope there's more to come!
6 tags
Anonymous asked: YOU ARE MEAN
8 tags
They should release Breaking Dawn 2 early!
So the actors can go out and promote it, get it over with, kick the stupid fucking Twilight Saga to the curb and finally move on with their careers (which will be full of much better movies). Who is with me on this?
Rob? You down with that, sweet thang?
I knew you would be! Kristen? Can you dig it?
Cool, glad to hear it, girl. Taylor how about you?
Oh, sorry.
the trailer for bd Part 2 comes out on FEB...
12 tags
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: You're The...
my friend: robert pattinson once said kristen stewart is 'the best actress of her generation'
my friend: wtf
my friend: what are you smoking
me: LOL
my friend: bro have you seen any of her movies
my friend: my god
my friend: she is awful
my friend: why would he say that
me: To get in her pants?
my friend: lol
13 tags
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Men of...
my friend: who else is hot in twilight
my friend: ?
me: Peter Facinelli is hot.
my friend: oh yes
my friend: i want to be the meat in an edward carlisle sandwich
me: LOL
me: That's so wrong!
me: He's his dad for fuck's sake.
my friend: not really
my friend: they're not related
me: Still that's fucked up.
my friend: lol
me: Emmett?
my friend: mmmmm yes
me: I am shocked he has not taken his shirt off in the movies.
me: Shocked and very disappointed.
my friend: maybe its in taylor lautner's contract
my friend: because kellan's body is so much hotter
me: LOL
me: True.
me: And his face definitely.
my friend: yeah
my friend: i do not find taylor lautner hot
my friend: at all
me: Me either.
me: He does absolutely nothing to my vagina.
my friend: lol yeah
my friend: i feel nothing down there
my friend: my spidey sense does not tingle
me: Even when he takes his shirt off?
me: I mean, it doesn't do anything for me but I don't mind that visually.
my friend: ok maybe a little
my friend: Jasper?
me: Meh.
me: I could give or take.
my friend: what???
my friend: he's hot
me: I think it's his wigs that turn me off.
my friend: lol
my friend: yeah he has the worst ones
me: Especially in New Moon.
me: He looks so derpy most of the time.
my friend: lol
me: That's what I call him, Derpy Cullen.
my friend: haha
my friend: come on he's hot
my friend: Charlie?
me: I like his character but I'm not like pervin on him or anything.
my friend: yeah
my friend: any of the wolf guys?
me: Nope.
my friend: lol
my friend: yeah me either
my friend: basically i just like edward
my friend: everyone else is just filler
me: Yeah.
me: Robert Pattinson was the whole reason I started watching these crap movies.
my friend: same here
me: Plus I had no idea what the story was about beyond the basic premise of a human-vampire love affair.
my friend: yeah i didn't read the books either
my friend: i got shit to do
my friend: i can't be reading shitty books
me: LOL
me: I was under the impression looking at the promotional materials, that I was going to get an entirely different movie.
me: The kind of movie I wanted to see.
me: Where a sweet naive girl falls in love with an evil vampire who has a Charles Manson-like psychosexual hold over her and takes her down a twisted path of death.
my friend: lol
my friend: yeah that would have been better
my friend: i want to see that movie
me: Look at the posters and shit.
me: Edward looks so fucking evil and hot.
me: Looming over her like a sexy gargoyle.
my friend: haha
me: So I went to see it thinking it was going to be like that.
me: I was ready to get my perv on because that sort of thing really does it for me.
my friend: oh i know all about you
my friend: lol
me: I am sick and twisted.
me: I fucking love sexy evil characters.
me: And I'm sitting there watching Twilight going "What the fuck is this shit?"
my friend: lol
8 tags
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Pray Away...
me: Seriously, I would do what Edward did in the past.
me: With their constant hunting of wild animals they could fuck up the ecosystem.
my friend: i don't see anything wrong with it
my friend: lol true
my friend: they could kill too many animals
me: Yeah, they could upset the balance of fauna of the Pacific Northwest.
my friend: who is gonna miss some rapists
my friend: the environment is more important
my friend: al gore would agree
me: LOL
me: They would be doing humanity a huge favor.
me: As it is they don't help anyone but themselves.
me: They waste their gifts on nothing.
me: It is very selfish.
my friend: yeah edward is a selfish cunt
my friend: i hate them all really
me: Fucking useless vegetarian vampires.
me: Edward could be protecting women and children from predators.
me: While at the same time doing the one thing that is completely natural for him to do.
me: Drinking human blood.
me: Drinking the blood of rapists, killers, child molesters and shit.
my friend: lol
my friend: totally agree
me: But his 'morals' won't allow him to.
me: What a fucking douchebag.
my friend: yeah
my friend: jeez i hate him
me: Carlisle has them all brainwashed.
my friend: lol
my friend: the cullen cult
me: Yeah, that's how I see it!
me: Carlisle is so fucked in the head.
my friend: they're like gays in denial or something
me: OMG
me: I said that too!
me: It's like that "Pray Away the Gay" shit.
my friend: lol
6 tags
I would rather kill a rapist than a mountain lion!
jus sayin
6 tags
Inappropriate Twilight Conversations: Bella &...
me: Oh, you know what else I noticed about Bella and Edward?
my friend: what?
me: They don't make a natural progression in their relationship.
me: Like sexually.
my friend: haha
me: They go from staring longingly at one another from a distance, holding hands, kissing, making out a little.... then zip past everything in between and go right into deep, hard thrusting.
me: I mean WTF?
my friend: lmao
my friend: so true
me: Normally you have some handjobs and dick sucking in between.
me: Pussy eating.
me: At least some dry humping.
my friend: pg13
me: Yeah, I know.
me: But still they could have alluded to it in some way.
my friend: oh god would i suck the hell out of his dick
me: LOL
my friend: bella don't know shit about dick sucking
my friend: can you imagine getting fingered by him
my friend: oh fuuuuuck
me: Yes, yes I can.
my friend: his hands are perfect for that
my friend: he'd melt my pussy off
me: Wait, are we talking about Edward or Rob?
my friend: LOL
my friend: who cares?
me: HAHA
5 tags
Twilight limerick # 5
There once was a vamp aged 108
Who thought chastity was just great
Til he met a girl named Bella
And soon became a fella
Who would compulsively masturbate
6 tags
Anonymous asked: wake and bake?
9 tags
Twilight limerick # 4
There once was a skrawny young hag
Who couldn’t act her way from a paper bag
But imagine her luck
When nightly she would fuck
The bloke every girl wants to shag
